Recently, my family visited the new Epic Universe park in Orlando to explore the How to Train Your Dragon world. It was, of course, epic—and my daughters loved every minute of it. Meeting Hiccup and Toothless was a highlight, as was the incredible live show they performed.
Since the movie’s release, I’ve seen the live-action remake a few times, including once with a group of fellow therapists. At its core, How to Train Your Dragon is the story of a boy, Hiccup, who possesses a trait that’s rare—and even unwelcome—within his Viking culture: the ability to see the world through another’s eyes. While his village sees dragons as enemies to be destroyed, Hiccup sees something different. And that difference, that capacity for empathy, changes everything.
The pivotal moment comes when Hiccup wounds Toothless but can’t bring himself to kill him. As he later explains, “I wouldn’t kill him because he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him, and I saw myself.” In that moment, Hiccup isn’t weak—he’s wise. What his father and peers see as a flaw is actually his greatest strength: a deep, relational understanding that others have thoughts, fears, and needs just like his own.
This empathy leads him to not only befriend Toothless, the most feared dragon of all, but also to transform his fractured relationship with his father, and eventually, to change the mindset of an entire village. Astrid—his tough, dragon-fighting peer—is the first to recognize the power of what he’s doing. She chooses to support him, saying, “He has something they don’t.” In doing so, she sets aside a lifetime of conditioning to embrace a new way of relating—not through dominance or fear, but through trust, vulnerability, and mutual understanding.
The film mirrors this transformation in many ways: between Hiccup and Toothless, between the other teens and their dragons, and eventually between the Vikings and the creatures they once feared. The more the villagers understand the dragons, the more they see themselves in them—and the more peace becomes possible.
How Do We Cultivate More Empathy?
Terry Real, founder of Relational Life Therapy, teaches that empathy isn’t just a personality trait—it’s a relational skillset. It’s something we can practice, intentionally and consistently. It starts by slowing down enough to wonder:
“What might this person be feeling right now?”
“What might they need that they don’t know how to ask for?”
“Can I stay connected, even when I feel uncomfortable or misunderstood?”
Empathy isn’t agreement. It’s not fixing. It’s the courageous act of staying connected—even across fear, frustration, and difference.
Training Your Empathy Muscle
Just like Hiccup had to train his understanding of dragons, we can train our empathy muscles in everyday life:
Pause before reacting in conflict.
Practice reflective listening with your partner or children.
Notice your tendency to defend or dismiss—and gently stay curious instead.
Empathy is how we go from enemies to allies, from disconnection to closeness. Just like the dragons, the things we fear most in others often soften when we finally see ourselves in them.
